Analysing Randomness

You guessed it, I finished another book; "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland". It was an enjoyable little read, but not what I had expected in the least. I plan on reading "Through the Looking Glass" next.

I find it interesting how randomness expresses itself in different people, books, and movies. "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" is random in the sense that completely unexpected things that don't make sense happen at expected intervals while there is a definite plot. "Time Bandits" is random in the sense that unexpected things that don't make sense happen at expected intervals while there is only the outline of a plot. "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" is random in the sense that unexpected things that don't make sense happen at expected intervals while there is no plot. "Napoleon Dynomite" is random in the sense that unexpected things that do make sense happen at unexpected intervals while there is a loose plot. "Peter Pan" is random in the sense that expected things that don't make sense happen constantly while there is a visible plot. "Paint by Numbers" is random in every sense.

I will explain.

Flying pigs are expected because of the phrase "when pigs can fly", but they don't make sense. A hippopotamus wearing a tutu makes sense because it is possible to fabricate such a tutu and put it on a hippopotamus, but it is not expected. Seeing a four-leaf clover rarely happens because it is a genetic anomaly, but it is expected. Winning the lottery is unexpected, but it happens regularly. Duplicated photons created by transporting them so fast that they arrive before they are sent don't make sense, but they happen every time. Albinism is rare, but it make sense. Willy Wonka's flashbacks in "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" are unexpected, but they have meaning. Piggy's glasses in "Lord of the Flies" have no meaning, but they are expected. The talking animals in "Animal Farm" don't make sense, but they have meaning. R2-D2's name has no meaning, but it makes sense. Finding dinosaur bones is rare, but it has meaning. Finally, the shaping of the clouds has no meaning, but it happens all the time. These things are all random in different ways.

If I haven't lost you already, I would like to explain this understanding of randomness so as to divide it into its varied forms explicitly. I propose...

The Purdian Theory of Randomness

A thing is random if and only if it is either a) unexpected, b) impossible, c) rare or irregularly timed, or d) meaningless. Categories of randomness follow from these possibilities.

Insperandomness: unexpected randomness

Futurandomness: impossible randomness

Rarandomness: irregular randomness

Nequarandomness: meaningless randomness (self-described)

Inspefuturandomness: unexpected and impossible

Insperarandomness: unexpected and irregular

Inspenequarandomness: unexpected and meaningless (the name)

Futurarandomness: impossible and irregular

Futunequarandomness: impossible and meaningless

Ranequarandomness: irregular and meaningless (joke)

Inspefuturarandomness: unexpected, impossible, and irregular

Inspefutunequarandomness: unexpected, impossible, and meaningless

Insperanequarandomness: unexpected, irregular, and meaningless

Futuranequarandomness: impossible, irregular, and meaningless

Inspefuturanequarandomness: unexpected, impossible, irregular, and meaningless

Thus concludes my theory on randomness. If you have actually taken the time to read through all this nonsense, I salute you. We both have way too much time on our hands.